“LOOSE ENDS…CONFESSIONS OF AN UNFINISHED FAITH”
“LOOSE ENDS…CONFESSIONS OF AN UNFINISHED FAITH”
‘Setting the Stage’ by Nichole Nordeman (As seen in September Issue of CCM Magazine)
It is late as I am writing this…just a few strokes before midnight...and my very favorite time of all. I’m in the creative zone, so to speak. It’s quiet now. No cell phone ringing. No messages piling up in my Inbox. No distractions. No one is shoving peanut butter into his belly button and making me sing Elmo’s Greatest Hits. No one just walked in from the office and wants to watch more of the World Cup games, (how long can one sporting event LAST?)
This is MY time …comfy pair of sweats…a few candles…and my new favorite friend, XM radio. I adore this commercial free invention. There is a channel on XM radio that makes me feel like I am perpetually visiting a spa in Santa Fe (or so I’ve heard)… I have no idea what the channel is actually called, but I call it the ‘Spa Channel.’ It plays this organically soothing, nature-inspired, hammer dulcimer meets the pan flute meets crashing waves kind of music that has the most relaxing effect on my brain and psyche. No lyrics. All vibe. It’s like a musical backrub. (Although occasionally they do play this “babbling brook” noise…which I’m sure is meant to relax me, but only makes me have
to pee).
I literally play the ‘Spa Channel’ all day long in our house in an effort to trick myself (and my toddler) into believing that our home is a peaceful, serene place. You know what?
It sort of works.
It started as an experiment, actually. I noticed (in the world of my other mom friends) that we were all complaining about the same things. Chaos. Disorder. Exhaustion. Barney. Frayed Nerves. Noise. Barney. You get the picture. Most of us just sort of accept this emotional climate as being part of the “mom thing,” like we have no choice in the matter. We are simply destined to be cross-eyed and crazy until our kids go to college. Our moms were…and our grandmothers. And, I don’t think that the glass-eyed look is reserved for motherhood. I have plenty of non-mom friends who are frantically poking at their Blackberry’s at every red traffic light and in between oil changes.
It’s like there’s some sicko underground supposition that you aren’t REALLY a woman, unless you’re exhausted. And our culture totally supports this …as does the church. Stroll the women’s issues section at Barnes and Noble or your local Christian bookstore and you will find no shortage of books written for women, by women, who just need a colossal break from the insanity. Chicken Soup for the Emotionally Unstable Soul.
I understand why these books sell. I’ve bought many, myself.
But my experiment with the ‘Spa Channel’ was not just about setting the tone in my house. It was a subtle declaration that I was taking back control of the emotional climate of my life, instead of letting it swing me around by the tail. What if, I wondered…What if I got up every morning and expected peace instead of bracing myself for chaos? What if I spent more time creating a space (literally and spiritually) that invited calm and order instead of repelling it? What if I said to God at the beginning of every day, “Thank you in advance for lighting my path…” instead of my usual “God, please just let me get through this day without busting my ankle on all the clutter…and WHO LEFT THAT IN THE HALLWAY???!!!”
My friend Jill likes to say, “Your word is your wand.” I like that. I think she read it somewhere…Chicken Soup for the Wishful Thinking, perhaps. And, although at first it sounds kind of new age-ish…as if we have the ability to create our own reality with a wave of the wand of positive thinking, I still think it’s a good motto. It says something about the power of our expectations.
I just recently considered how sabotaged my prayer life is, by the negativity of what I’m really bracing for and expecting. So often, I do absolutely nothing to invite the outcome of what I am praying so earnestly for. I don’t think this approach gives God a lot to work with, frankly. Our words and thoughts have such incredible power.
Consider what James says about this in the 3rd chapter:
“A word out of your mouth may seem of no account, but it can accomplish nearly anything – or destroy it.” (The Message)
The first thing any diet book tells you to do, if you’re trying to drop some weight, is to go through your kitchen and start tossing out all the junk. Show no mercy. Get rid of anything that does not support your new health goals…it’s imperative. Obviously, it’s not the actual act of throwing out junk food that makes you lose weight, but it is the first step toward creating an environment where you are free to succeed without the demon bag of Cheetos mocking you from the pantry. It’s a statement about expectations.
My ‘Spa Channel’ experiment taught me a lot, which sounds pretty silly considering I only replaced a blaring TV and a cell phone with some soothing music. But the philosophy has spilled over into other areas of my life.
Life is hard. No question. Answers are few. But, there’s one way to guarantee that it won’t get any easier…just keep reminding yourself and everyone in your life how bad you’ve got it. Keep inviting negativity and chaos into your finances, marriage, jobs, friendships, parenting, physical and emotional health and you can be sure you will see very little improvement.
Even as I type this, I am painfully reminded of an area in my life that is beaten up and bloodied and profoundly broken…and has been for a long time. And when my closest friends ask me about “it,” I automatically assume the very familiar position of victim. My words, my posture, my tone, my cynicism, my hopelessness, my disbelief…all of the weapons in my trusty arsenal that ensure I stay victimized. And I’m not advocating dishonesty here…my friends would see right through some Suzie Sunshine act, but there is a way to frame our words and thoughts…with hope. With belief. With resolve.
With the 'Spa Channel.'
Be blessed today.
In word and thought and deed.
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